Matilda’s daddy is a zaddy!
Danny DeVito may not be able to beat Vin Diesel in a high-speed street race, but when it comes to being one of Hollywood’s hottest and hairless heartthrobs, the 4-foot-10 New Jersey native’s got him licked, per a head-turning new report.
“Bald men have stolen the hearts of millions of people around the world, from Stanley Tucci to Zinedine Zidane to John Travolta,” wrote study authors from Reboot, a search marketing agency. “We’ve conducted scientific research and crunched the numbers to officially crown the Sexiest Bald Man for 2024.”
DeVito, 79, secures the No. 6 slot in the top 10 ranking of the world’s most beddable baldy-beans, while the musclebound Diesel, 57, rounds out the list at No. 10. The follicly-challenged “Fast X” fox trails behind the smooth-on-top likes of Samuel L. Jackson (No. 7), 75, and Tucci (No. 9), 64.
Kuzmafoto / Depositphotos.com
But this year’s hunky hierarchy comes as a hair-raising fall from grace for Diesel.
The “Guardians of the Galaxy” god usurped the top spot on Reboot’s roster from Prince William in 2022.
The experts on the bald & the beautiful previously hailed Diesel the cutest cue ball of them all, owing to his facial golden ratio, a mathematical principle used to measure the balance and proportion of one’s facial features: net worth, height and social media buzz.
His majesty, 42, however, reassumed the throne in the 2024 ranking, returning as the No. 1 chrome-dome due to his undeniable sex appeal.
For their latest findings, investigators considered each balding bloke’s smile, golden ratio, media perception, vocal attractiveness, height and shine factor. The insiders also analyzed the monthly search volumes for “shirtless” and “naked” images of the celebrities to quantify their global desire and popularity.
Prince William outpaced his peach-like peers.
“Our research found 16,800 people searched for ‘shirtless’ and ‘naked’ images of the royal this year,” revealed the researchers. “His smooth scalp scored an impressive 74% for luminance, his face achieved 72% on the golden ratio, and his vocal attractiveness is rated a high 9.9 out of 10 — second only to former basketball player and sports analyst Shaquille O’Neal.”
And whether you’re a movie man, an athlete, on deck to be king or a porn star, skin — rather than hair — is in, or so says adult film performer Johnny Sins.
“Leaning into your hair loss journey is a great way get more time in the bedroom,” the 45-year-old nudie flick front man told news.com.au in April. “Some of the most talented people in the world are bald.”
They’re some real smooth operators, all right.
Here’s the top 10 list of this year’s most bald-elicious babes
1. Prince William
2. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
3. Shaquille O’Neal
4. Kelly Slater
5. Terry Crews
6. Danny DeVito
7. Samuel L. Jackson
8. Thierry Henry
9. Stanley Tucci
10. Vin Diesel
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