The first message from someone you matched with on a dating app can make or break it. You want to be wowed by their witty writing and curious nature, not shaking your head at their spelling errors, laziness, or inappropriate message. But according to Julie Nguyen, a dating expert with the dating app Hily, a lot of people tend to say something really quick and really generic and it shows.
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She says the worst messages tend to be short, boring, full of typos and grammar mistakes or way too forward. They seem like copied-and-pasted lines they send to everyone else they match with, and no one wants to get that. According to Nguyen and other dating experts, these are the worst opening messages to send on a dating app.
- “Hey” or “Hi” – Nothing screams generic laziness like typing two or two three letters and nothing else. It seems like you can’t be bothered to even write a full sentence and it gives the receiver nothing to work with, so they don’t know how to respond.
- “You’re hot” – Some people may consider this a compliment, but it’s objectifying and inappropriate for a first message, and it shows no respect, according to psychologist Rhiannon DuBois.
- Overly sexual innuendo – Even if you’re just looking for a hookup, relationship therapist Michelle Herzog warns that it can be an immediate turn-off for a lot of people who don’t want you saying some nasty thing to them.
- “What are you doing right now?” – You wouldn’t greet a stranger in a bar like this, so don’t do it online either.
- “Why are you on here?” – Herzog says there’s no point in asking this, as it sounds kind of judgy and can make someone defensive.
So, what should you say in an opening message instead? The experts suggest showing genuine interest and thoughtfulness, being flirty and personalizing it. Their advice?
- Try a question and a comment based on what you read in their profile.
- Lean into your playful side and show your personality.
- Match their energy level so they feel comfortable and safe.
Source: Time
